There is one aspect of celebrity sex lives that we don’t know enough about: what sex toys they use. When Madonna strolled out of a London sex shop brandishing a purple strap-on dildo in a clear plastic bag, the question suddenly became fiendishly important. How can we possibly continue to worship these megastars when we don’t even know what brand of vibrator they’re using?
It seems only reasonable to expect that model Kate Moss would probably own a super slim vibe that runs on cocaine and is lacking in energy most of the time. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes would probably enjoy the use of a very special Scientology vibrator that also measures engrams and makes you want to jump on the couch. And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie very probably import their sex toys in from Africa.
Justin Timberlake was obviously inspired by something when he sang the joke song “Dick in a Box.” Given that he thinks he’s ‘bringing the sexy back” I’m tempted to say he probably owns one of those purple dildos that you strap to your head.
This is an extract from the Planet Sex column, found in the members area at For The Girls.
